Anniversary: Karyn Pleake
April 20, 2008
I write this to all who have stood with us through this last year and continue to stand with us still. It is also written in recognition of God’s continued grace in which I and my family walk.
It’s been one year since I went into the hospital for what was to have been a routine hernia repair. Continuing to be amazed by God’s providence, I know it is no casual observation that my birthday fell on Resurrection Day this year.
But the trial didn’t begin just one year ago. It began five years ago when a routine emergency appendectomy was the beginning of my health struggles. I was healthy— no problems, active until that pivotal day. What we didn’t know was that I was left with a hidden infection that would leak slowly into my system, wreaking havoc for the next four years. It remained undetected through two surgeries. It would take a punctured intestine, septicemia, coma and near death to find and expunge it from a fist-sized cavity that had developed.
We are forever changed by these events. Our characters formed, molded, and pruned by the inevitable possibility of “what if…” By all signs my survival was less than hopeful. Even Christian doctors were telling my family to prepare themselves for my death. That’s according to man’s laws. However, God’s destiny for our lives far outweighs man’s law.
When my doctor was apologizing and telling Larry what had happened and that it was out of her hands, God assured Larry that it was not unto death. Larry lived on that for the next month. However, getting to the point of recovering was like the frontlines of a physical and spiritual war.
There were scattered moments of consciousness, and eventually I could put a few words and thoughts together. I had to begin to process what had happened to me by bits and pieces. My faith has always come easily to me in other trials. This time I had no control over my faith; I could not “work it up.” I knew the word God, I knew of my history with God, and I knew He was in control. I could not remember the Lord’s Prayer, and I could not remember Scripture. I had to just…exist, remain vulnerable (very hard for me). I could not lift my hands to scratch my nose. I could not turn or feed myself. I also could not control my breathing to speak properly—I sounded like Katherine Hepburn in On Golden Pond. As time progressed, things got better. But never back to normal.
I was released from the hospital after one month. No one, not even the doctors, knew what my recovery would look like or how long it would take. According to the doctors, I have another six months until I fully recover. It has been a day-to-day adventure. Sometimes forward, sometimes backward … but always further away from what happened.
TRUST is always a big hurdle in a Christian’s walk. It seems easiest to trust God when it is necessary or convenient. We want to think of ourselves as temperate, self-controlled, self-sufficient, self-providing —whoa! That’s a lot of self.
God can allow one domino to be pushed and our whole concept of ourselves topples and we are left scrambling to put it all back together. In our rushing and scrambling, we often forget that maybe since it (preconceptions, ideas, identities, etc…) could be toppled in the first place, perhaps the structure or what it was built upon was not solid or had weaknesses.
Please allow me to illustrate. Concrete that is used in custom-built homes takes time to dry and cure. This ensures that the concrete will be dense and less likely to have any fissures or air trapped within. This foundation is so important to the builder that sometimes he will let it dry/cure for six months or more. He wants to be sure that what he is building the house upon will withstand the pressure from both the environment and the house itself. The foundation is crucial. If our foundation has elements in it that will cause the house that the Lord is building to be unsound, then it needs work. One of the biggest fissures or weaknesses to a firm foundation is lack of TRUST.
Some of our emotions such as anger and fear have their solutions or healing based in TRUST. God tells us “TRUST, do not be afraid.” He told Joshua several times before he took responsibility for leadership after Moses, “Be strong and of good courage” (Joshua, chapter 3). How many times in Psalms does David lay out his fear and anger before God, then he himself answers “But yet I will trust You, I will praise You” (paraphrased, Ps 56:3,4; 71:4,5; 91:1-4…).
We can always look to the book of Job for examples in suffering for unknown reasons. Job loved God. What did he do wrong? Nothing. He was allowed to be sifted. He lost family, friends, and wealth. Even in his agony, he cries out, “Though He slay me yet will I trust in Him” (Job 13:15). I am no better and no more righteous than any that have gone before me that have been sifted and tried. But I am just as loved and jealously watched over. God wants us to know Him—no other crutches to lean on, no self-sufficiency. Those all have limits. He does not.
TRUST does not come with the blink of an eye nor can you go through the local drive-through and order it up or “king size” it. A history must be built between the Creator and the created, often tenuous at first from the created’s point of view. With experience, time, and the willingness to be shaped and formed, it becomes a bedrock of unshakable faith in the Author and Finisher of that very faith.
To build TRUST takes trials. Not everyone has the same trials, and we cannot compare them. Some may look at our lives and wonder why we continue or how our marriage could have withstood and even grown stronger through all the stresses. But I look at others and their trials and think similar things. The Almighty is the only one that can determine what constitutes a trial in a person’s life that will produce the character that reflects one who is totally devoted to Him. Only He knows the hearts of man.
Working out these trials is not always a nice neat process. I have experienced the cushioning and buffering that my brothers and sisters in Christ provide. I am often referred to by friends from all different walks as a WYSIWYG: What you see is what you get. I cannot hide my squirming, anxious, frustrated feelings sometimes, and they are all there for all to see. But friends have been there to cover me, to hide me, to protect me, to encourage me, to lift my arms in times of battle. Not to question why the trial is so long or so big but just to be there in the trial with me. With me to wipe my tears, to hear yet another frustrated sob session or prayer request.
I have been truly blessed in this lifetime to have experienced the enfolding of the body of Christ. Our family was lifted up by hundreds of people all around the U.S. I am overwhelmed to think of it and words fall short of the expression of awe and thankfulness. There will be a day when I feel that furnace door open and the breath of God like a cool breeze will wash over me and I will hear “It is finished. Well done, thy good and faithful servant.” And all who have stood with us will join in the rejoicing.
My love and unending thankfulness to you all…Karyn Ann MIRACLE (yes, it’s really my name) Pleake
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I so often wonder how you and your family are carrying on… you’ve been hit with more “challenges” than anyone could possibly think “fair.” I have worried, I’m REAL good at that, I have not prayed enough; I have never spoken easily to Him, I have asked the good Pater after you all, and I have wondered what I could do to ease your burdens. . . the tide MUST turn, Caryn!
With love in His Great Name,
Marina